Triple Vision
by Lyra Harp
Summary: Despite Lillian Wescott's protests that she is okay with maintaining a guardian-charge relationship with Prowl and Jazz while Miles Lancaster is romantically involved with them...her guardians aren't so sure. Therefore, the trio sees fit to take two months off and show her that their relationship will work. Did they make the right move or will Lillian be left spinning? OC Story
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter Title: **What's a vacation?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers _(2007), _Transformers: Generation 1, _the song 3 by Britney Spears...or The Scream painting. How am I supposed to know who owns it if I don't even know how old it is...?

~0~

"I'm seeing triple!" I gasped as I replicated _the Scream _painting.

Jazz snorted, well aware I was only fooling around.

_:One, two, three_

_Not only you and me_

_Countin_'_ one, two, three_

_Peter, Paul and Mary_

_Merrier the more_

_Triple fun that way_

_Twister on the floor_

_You and me_

_Or three_

_Or four _

_On the floor:_

I snorted before placing my hands on my hips. "Seriously, though, what's up? I'm seeing luggage. Don't tell me you actually got Prowl to take a vacation?"

"Prowler ain't that hard to convince, Lil. He jus' got to get the work done first."

"And...?"

"Two months worth."

"Two...months...Holy crap. Is Prowl dead?"

"I beg your pardon?"

I jumped when Prowl appeared behind me. "Jesus melany..."

Jazz giggled. "N'aw, Lil. Ah brought him back to life with a kiss."

"I bet you did..."

"What fantasies are you filling in her head, Jazz?"

"None you ain't by standing, lover."

I reached for my wrench before Prowl gently wacked me on the head with it. I looked up. "Now that's just cruel and unusual punishment." I reached my hands up toward it. He lifted it out of reach. "Pretty please with Jazzy on top?"

"No."

"Pleeeeese?"

"No."

"_Prowly_-"

"No."

I hesitated. "Motion to suppress?"

"Denied."

I sighed before looking at Miles. "Help?"

"Against a giant robot cop? Sorry, Lil. I'm not fighting that battle."

I gave Jazz the puppy eyes. "Jazzy...?"

"Girl, why you gotta give me those...? Fine. Prowl-"

"Do you _want_ to be hit with this weapon of mass destruction?"

I snorted. _Weapon of mass destruction my aft_.

Jazz sagged his shoulders. "Sorry, girl."

I shrugged. "S'kay..." I looked up at Prowl again. "Why are you taking my wrench away, anyway?"

He subspaced it. "Being hit by a wrench would not be a good start to our collective vacation."

I blinked. "Collective...? We're all going?"

"Is that a problem?"

_:What do you say? _

_Are you in?_

_Lets make a team_

_Loving the extreme_

_Now, are you game? _

_Are you in?:_

"Of course not." Jazz immediately played a recording of a bomb exploding. I flailed. "I meant its not a problem of course I'm in why wouldn't I be in-?" Prowl hit me again. "Sorry..."

Prowl huffed. "Lillian..."

"Yes?"

"Let's play a game."

"Um...alright..."

"I will bet you three cups of coffee a day if you can go this whole vacation without saying your sorry." I nodded, blushing. "Good. Now, any bets?"

Jazz snorted. "Five minutes."

Miles smiled. "One day."

I facepalmed. _I am _so_ going to die_.


	2. Chapter 2

******Chapter Title:** The Sun has Heatstroke

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007), _Transformers: Generation 1 _or the songs_ Double Vision _by 3OH!3 and _Day-O (Banana Boat) _by Harry Belafonte...that Lillian...sort-of sings...

**Warning:** Spelling errors be on purpose. You no throw balls of fire, 'kay? =^^=

~0~

In Nevada, there's three things. There's sand...there's rain...and there's sun. Occasionally, there's a tornado, but that's not the point...Normally, you would think Nevada would be a prime vacation spot for those three reasons...Except there's no ocean. No one wears a bathing suit in Nevada. Actually, let me clarify: No one _but_ an idiot would even_ think _to wear a bathing suit in Nevada. Therefore, I don't own one. Never have. Truthfully, I thought I never would have to...Except I didn't foresee that my sort-of-alien-robot boyfriends would take me on an exotic vacation. Actually...I didn't think I would ever go on a vacation (a real one, anyway)...or have a boyfriend...or meet an alien...let alone have one...or two...as...sort-of boyfriends. Whatever. You get it. I just don't think I've got it...yet...

I should be ecstatic. Elevated. Thrilled. Instead I'm...bleck. Well, okay, not bleck. More like...blah. I'm not bored, there's just...confusion...? I don't know how I feel. I know I love Jazz and Prowl...and I know that Jazz and Prowl love Miles...and I know that Miles is a nice guy with no criminal record (Red checked) that also has no prejudice against any sexuality (that I know of), let alone my non-sexuality. In the end, I know that should be enough. It is enough...It's just...shouldn't something...I don't know, click?

I'm not some frilly princess. My idea of prince charming from day one was a ninja that plays games...and has some form of manners. Jazz and Prowl fit the bill. Miles...Miles is nice. He looks like he has surfing in his blood, even if he told me that he's never been near an ocean, either. Miles is...fun. He makes me feel less like a third wheel and more like...I don't know...like the relationship may work? Like it may actually be possible? (I mean, it's two humans against two Cybertronians. That's fair, right?) Miles is...open minded. He surpassesmy level of open mindedness, and that's saying something. Miles is...calm. He doesn't do what I do and keep his emotions down-under until they pop up in a prank. He may brush it off...He may talk to the person directly...He may talk to someone about it...but he's never exploded. I've never seen him explode or yell at anything...except for his dog when it ran away after he tried to wash it, but that doesn't count...Miles is...spontaneous. He's not quite at Jazz's level, but he will make seemingly random trips into Jazz and Prowl's (and really anyones) office...just to say hi. No reason, just...hi-and-bye. Simple as that. He's also organized, if getting a sunset date with Prowl is anything to go by. Jazz and I got the night to ourselves, which was interesting...Miles is...nice. I can't think of a bad thing to say about him. And...I don't know why that bothers me. Heck, jealousy exists. It exists in society. But...I don't_ feel _jealous. I feel_ restless_. Like I'm _waiting _for something to happen. I don't know if its for the sky to fall, or for Soundwave to sneak up behind me and say 'I'm baaack'...but...I don't know. I just don't know. Is it okay to 'just not know?'

I feel like I'm...quite frankly, sitting on my aft. I've felt like that for awhile, and I don't know why that is. I was originally going to point a finger at 'oh, mid-life crisis time', but that doesn't seem right. I'm thirty-three. Who the hell has a mid-life crisis at thirty three? Isn't forty supposed to be the magic number for that? Hell, I'll put it out there. I feel like my biological clock is ticking. I'd be damned if I called myself an old lady, because I'm no such thing...but...I'm freaking out. Is that it? I'm freaked out over my life-span because Prowl and Jazz...and every other Cybertronian...can live for millions of years when humans can only get to a hundred and I'm...scared about...death and...what will happen...to them...afterwards...? If that's it, I'll just go ahead and hit myself over the head right now, because there is no way in hell that I'm-

"Lillian?"

...spaced out while my sort-of-alien-boyfriend...slash guardian...is talking to me...or trying to talk to me..._Yeah, let's go with that._

"Yeah?"

"Are you feeling well?"

"Yeah...Okay, no...Prowl, where the hell are we going?"

Prowl was silent for a minute. "Lillian...I just told you that."

"Really, when?" Another silent Prowl moment. A silent Prowl was not a good thing. _Never was, never will be. _"Ya okay, Prowlie?"

"Lillian...are you sure you aren't feeling...out of sorts?"

"'Course. Right as rain, as the humans say..." I had a confused expression...for my own behavior..._Oh, wait, I'm human...Yeah, that makes...total sense. _"Um...sorry...Prowl?"

"Yes, Lillian?"

"How long was I...spacey?"

"1.32 hours." I stared at...something...on Prowl's...glass...shield thingy...for...a minute. "Lillian...?"

"That...kind of...freaks me out...to be honest...Seriously?"

"I believe you were 'passed out' for the duration of the trip, but my calculation is essentially correct."

"Geez, I'm sorry." I put my elbow on the dashboard and my head in my free hand. "Some road companion, huh? Surprised you weren't born...bored...to sleep...recharge. Oh fuck." I giggle-snorted. "Wow, okay..." I ran a hand over my face. "Think we can pull over at some point? I either need to talk in my sleep or...walk..." I facepalmed. "Jesus fucking christ. I'm having a stroke in an alien robot..." I giggle-snorted louder. My hand slapped over my mouth. "Oh god." I had a laughing fit. _Yeah...that didn't sound wrong at all..._

A blue light was cast over me as Prowl scanned me.

**:Jazz, do you still have the cooler in your trunk?:**

I bent over at the conversation that was broadcast over the radio. _You...not...helping...dead-beat girlfriend. _

**:Yeah. What's up?:**

**:Lillian requires excessive amounts of it at the soonest opportunity.:**

**:I think there's an abandoned gas station up ahead-:**

**:Good. Stop there.:**

~0~

Miles carried Lillian into the abandoned gas-station-garage complex. He fed her water while Prowl and Jazz looked over their scans. Jazz swore. **:What the frag happened?:**

**:This is precisely why I wanted to restrict her caffiene intake-:**

**:Prowl, this ain't yer fault, dig?:**

**:I'm aware of that, but humans** **are fragile in this weather...Perhaps they should both ride with you-:**

**:And isolate yerself from the fun? Pit no. We ain't leavin' ya out. Lil'll cling ta yer ankle befo' that happened.:**

**:Her being attached to me is precisely what caused this.:**

**:Now I know ya ain't implying what I think ya are.: **Jazz brushed a new cables in Prowl's neck with his nose. **"Chill, Prowl. We'll just be more cautious, 'kay?:**

Prowl's optics dimmed.** :Alright.:**

**:Good.:**

Jazz brushed a digit against Lillian's cheek. "How do ya feel?"

"I feel...like a lady...in a victoria's secret commer-ciiiii-sea-al-seal...with flying feathers..."

Jazz snorted. "Oh yeah. She's wasted."

"She is not drunk-"

"I meant she's...ya know..." Jazz made a crazy circling motion next to his helm. "Lil esta loco."

"Dehydration?" Miles guessed.

"Plus heatstroke."

"The sun be real hot, the clothes go-o-o-o-o, heeeeeeeey I be seeing double vision...an' I be singin' my head be spinnin', cops go-o-o-o-o nananananaaaaaa..."

"Um...When does this wear off, exactly?"

"If we keep her out of the sun and keep feeding her water, she should be-"

"The drinks be coooooool like the cops beeeeeeeeee..."

"...fine. Maybe..."

"Maybe I can' have rela-ships 'cause they be looooooooo an' I be hiiiiiiiiiigh...'cause they no make no sense in fiiiiiiiiine wooooooooooooman..."

"You sure about that?"

Prowl and Jazz looked at each other. "Jazz-"

"I still think-"

"Everybody be singin' 'eeeeeeeeey, shut down whole blooooooooke...'cause woooooman be swingin' in niiiiiiiiiitrogeeeeeeen..."

"...Yeah, okay. Ratchet."

~0~

**:Two hours. You idiots lasted **_**two hours **_**alone with your charges. First Aid was generous enough to **_**at least **_**give you two days-:**

**:Ratch, we get it. Lecture us later. Tell us if we need to get Lil to a hospital or not.:**

**:There's no need for that. Her temperature has yet to reach 105 fahrenheit, correct?:**

**:Yes. Although I hardly see how that matters considering her-:**

"Pretty go neeeeeeeshan..."

**:...mental state.:**

Ratchet snorted. **:That's just the dehydration talking...Metaphorically, of course.:**

Prowl rolled his optics.** :Of course.:**

**:Just keep doing what your doing and she'll be fine. However, **_**I suggest **_**you avoid going out during the height of the day for at least a week. You wouldn't want a repeat anytime soon.:**

"Wouldn't want a repeat _period_," Jazz mumbled. "He is right, though."

"I am well aware of the circumstances-"

"Hey." Jazz bumped his shoulder against Prowl's. "She'll be fine. A little water-"

"Seeeeeee-aka!"

"Okay, a lot of water...and some rest...She'll be-"

"Fine?" Prowl raised an optic ridge. "Are you trying to convince me or you?"

"Heh." Jazz smiled sheepishly. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

Prowl smiled before bumping his shoulder back. "No. I suppose I can't."

"Hey, guys, look what I found!"

"Nuts and bolts in passstaaaaa!"

"Uh...no. Nice try, Lil."

"My DJ be drunk on icccccccccccecreammmmm. Yessssssssssss~"

Prowl calmly lifted his servo up to his audio. **:Ratchet, are you sure you do not wish to-?:**

**:Yeah, yeah. Concentrate on your crazy charge. Ratchet out.:**

"Many thanks," Prowl muttered sarcastically before closing his end of the line. "Ratchet says we're on our own for dealing with 'our crazy charge.'"

"I craaaazy. You no crazyyy liiiiiiiiiike the maaaaaaaaf-f-fia-!"

Jazz raised an eyebrow at Lillian. "Can't say I blame him."

Prowl got down on one knee so he was level with Miles. "Forgive our interruption, Miles. What did you find?"

"No prob, dude...I just thought this might help Lil."

"A hose?" Jazz pointed his incredulous look to Miles. "Is that connected ta somethin' o' did ya think-?"

"Merrrrrrse is coool-io-io-o-o-ev-ev-ev-ery-body say heeeeeey 'ow-!"

"...Nah, Jazz-man. I just thought we could all use a spray down." Jazz transformed immediately. Miles smirked. "Eager?"

"You bet."

**:Prowl.:**

Prowl looked at Jazz. **:She won't run away if ya look away fo' a minute.:**

Prowl slowly transformed and rolled backward until he was even with Jazz.** :I suppose not...:**

Lillian seemed to perk up at the sound of running water on Prowl's hood. Strangely enough, it was Jazz she chose to dance around. Lillian giggled. "I love my spazzy Jazzy in a dazzy crazy waaay...I love you, Jazzy, hip hip hooray."

"...Glad to hear it, Lil."

Lillian hugged Jazz's hood and rubbed against it, trying to snuggle. "Looooove~" Prowl and Miles snickered at Jazz's misfortune until- "Ouch!" Lillian looked very offended as she...hugged her...chest. Jazz's horn went off when Lillian smacked his hood suddenly. "Bad Jazzy!"

**:What the pit did I do?:**

**:...I believe you inadvertently burned her breasts.:**

**:...:**

"Hey, Lil." Lillian turned to Miles with a pout. Miles sprayed Lillian down with the hose. "Is that better?"

Miles blinked when Lillian practicallydrapedherself over him in response. She twirled a couple pieces of his blond hair in her index finger. She mumbled nonsense about working late, rum and general banana boat lyrics. One comment that stood out among the rest was when she sniffed his hair and mumbled, "smells like bananas."

Miles blushed and tripped over his own words in an attempt to get Lillian off of him...gently. Jazz chuckled at his efforts. "Easy, Miles. Ya might break somethin'."

"Not that I don't appreciate the commentary," Miles grumbled. "But a little help would be nice."

"Don' worry, Miles. Lil'll get tired event-" Lillian movements got slower within the span of a few seconds before she stopped completely. She fainted into Miles arms. "Told ya."

~0~

I remember saying some weird stuff to Prowl and passing out. Thats it...Well, okay, so I also had an incredibly weird string of dreams. They made no sense...because weird dreams aren't supposed to make sense. I'm pretty that dreams in general aren't supposed to make sense, but thats not the point. I don't have a point. When do I ever have a point? I don't. Rarely. Okay, never. No, wait...I'm sorry, but I'm crazy at the moment. I'm freaking out. I've had no coffee in seven point two hours plus nap time and...I'm freaking out. Why? Because my dreams are crazy, I don't know where I am, and...that's a lie. I know exactly where I am. I'm on Jazz's back seats layed out on my back. I'm wide awake, but my eyes are closed. I know that Jazz knows that I'm really awake even though I'm pretending to be asleep. I also know that Jazz knows that it will be less awkward for me if I get my thoughts together before officially 'waking up' with a full-on body stretch and everything...but...I can't wake up yet. I can't wake up because I'm still in dream land. Those are the wrong words...I'm...trying to think of my drinks...dreams...Damn it, not again. See, this is why I can't wake up. _This is why we can't have nice things. _I know I'm crazy from heat stroke, or post heat stroke, but it would be really nice if someone could give me a nice brain. You know, a working one...that has moving gears...and such...like Clockwork. _How long have I been laying here? _No idea. All I know is that my dreams are off the wall crazy.

{This first scene went like this:

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the sun gets heatstroke! And...what's this? Nuts and bolts come in pasta! Oh, no, sorry folks! My DJ technician is drunk! Icecream...sandwich...No, this is not the Salem witch trials-Wheeljack! Wheelie! Who cloned me? Come to the crazy, we have cookies! No, wait...Come to the cookies, we have crazies! No, who...who...slaggit. Who took Lillian's brain? She needs dat! That...I give up. Someone else take this microphone! I quit!"

This second scene went like this:

"I crazy. You no crazy. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good. Now excuse me while I go hippity hop down the bunny trail."

Prowl calmly lifted his servo up to his audio. **:Ratchet?:**

Ratchet, being his totally normal and flamboyant self, said: "Yeeeeeees?"

Prowl glitched.

Ratchet shrugged at the static and turned to First Aid, who was layed out like a chicken leg on Ratchet's berth, covered in awesome sauce, smirking with a 'come hither' look. "What happened?"

Ratchet smirked. "I go loco, you go loco, we be crazy together. Sound good?"

"Very," he purred.

Medic and Nurse proceed to make many baby rabbits...which makes First Aid's geslaut wonder what 'da frag' happened...and glitch...like Prowl.

"Hm...perhaps this strange development had something to do with the sun turning orange?"

Miles blinks. "Yeah, that's it."

Lillian. Nods. Like. A. Rocker. 'Cause. Medic. Nurse. Merse. Is. Awesome. "Cool beans. Can I go psycho now?"

"Are you sure you aren't psycho already?" Lillian shrugs. Miles rolls his eyes. "Five minutes." Miles unclicks the leash and lets Lillian run free. "Now sit back and watch stuff blow up."

What happens when bombs go off in a random street somewheres? Lillian goes loco and snaps like a twiggy twirdy dirty birdy...even though she was nowhere near it...she thinks...Awesome!

This third, and final, scene really made me question my sanity...and went a little something like this:

I giggled. "I love my spazzy Jazzy in a dazzy crazy waaay...I love you, Jazzy, hip hip hooray."

Jazz gave me a look that clearly said 'da frag?' "Miles, did you give my girl highgrade?"

Miles blinked innocently. "No."

"Then why's she actin' like a bunch o' bolts in the sun with heat stroke that has a nutty form...The sun has heat stroke...Ah, nuts and bolts!"

I twirled around like a prima ballerina, singing, "they come in pastaaaaa!"

Prowl and Ironhide walked in, surveyed the situation, and said, "who do I kill?"

Red Alert, meanwhile, was huddled in a corner trying not to glitzglitchofthefritzglitchygeeky-

_Glam slam slap me baaaaaby~_

...Scrap.

"Ironhide, my lovely, pretty mech in pink...Please-"

_Double check the rep, yep, took a second to become none in a fainting contest~_

"Oh well."

_Scuba dubba pop drop 'cause ya can't seem ta~_}

"A'ight, this is ridiculous. C'mon, Lil. I know yer awake."

"Not 'wake," I mumbled. "Tryin' sleep."

"What if I told ya yer reward was coffee-" I was up in an instant. _Coffee, coffee, coffee! Coffeeeeeee!_ "-icecream?" I pouted. _Drat. _

"Meany," I grumbled.

"Hey, now. That's no way ta treat yer savior."

I gave him a weird look. Last time I checked, Prowl was my savior. "Jazzy say what?"

"I'll explain if ya get out and go in the restaurant with meh. Prowl and Miles are already inside." I blinked several times. The sleep wasn't leaving my system. "What do ya say?"

I yawned. "How much coffee n' cream?"

~0~

**Author's Note:** Stay tuned for the next chapter. It haz milkshakes! XD


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Title:** One Banana Milkshake for the Girlfriend

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers_.

**Warning:** Cat fight with milkshakes = Language. The bad kind.

**Q:** Anyone see the 'got milk?' scene in the disney movie _Model Behavior_...?

The following songs were used in this chapter:

Milkshake by Kelis

Scrubs by TLC

~0~

"Here you go, Lil."

I stared at the food in front of me. "What is this?"

"Banana cream pie. You said you loved bananas yesterday."

I gave him a strange look. "What are you talking about? I hate bananas."

"Ouch. Poor fruit never had a chance-"

I wacked Jazz in the back of his head. "Shut it, Jude. You can put a banana down your throat if you want to, but I'm not-" Jazz and Miles cracked up.

I looked at Prowl, pleading. He smiled. He leanned in, brushed a piece of hair behind my ear, and explained...with a slightly amused tone...what the hell Jazz and Miles were talking about. By the end, I was ready to sink into the floor. I settled for slamming my head on the table. Prowl chuckled as he rubbed circles on my back. "Lillian-"

"Blihoidh hilm gtinnm mum," I mumbled into the table.

"What?"

"Bloody. Hell. I'm. Not. Getting. Up. From. This. Table."

"Suit yerself. Guess I'll jus' give this _triple chocolate _shake ta Miles-"

"Freeze." Miles had his mouth two inches from the milkshake straw when I looked up. "Place the glass on the table, slide it over, and no one gets hurt." He did as told. I took the cherry on top and traced his bottom lip until he opened.

"Thank you kindly," Miles said as he used the stem as a toothpick.

I dipped my finger in the whipped cream and placed a hefty amount of it on Miles nose. I tilted my head, closed my eyes and grinned at his expression. "Your berry welcome."

While Jazz helped Miles remove the cream from his face, I sampled the milkshake...not two seconds before a very familiar song came on.

_:My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard-:_

My eyes raised upward toward the invisible ceiling speakers. _I think God is laughing at me now. I wonder if Primus will take me in..._My mouth raised from the straw to look at the snickering duo. I raised an eyebrow. "You didn't happen to bring Bruce, did you?"

"No such luck, Lil."

"Really?" I placed a finger under Prowl's chin. "How about you, then? You wouldn't happen to know who controls the airwaves around here, would you?"

"I believe it's the young woman behind the counter, Lillian." I turned to see the woman. She had a bob haircut, dark brown hair, and a tattoo of a butterfly on the left side of her neck. I half turned back, froze, looked back at her, and turned my glaze to the table. I placed my hands flat on the table, and stood up. The only reason the chair didn't fall over is because Prowl caught the back of it. "Lillian?"

"I'll...be right back."

"Lil?" I looked at Jazz, shook my head, then went to the counter. The woman was looking for something behind the counter. Pans crashed together. The sound made me near deaf. My breathing was shallow. I sat on the stool so I didn't fall over. My brain was racing for answers. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. _I can't leave here, knowing it was her, and not say anything. _I coughed.

"One moment."

"Angelina."

Theracketpaused. She stood up, rag in hand, and placed both hands on the counter. "Lillian." I nodded. "Lillian _Wescott?_" I smiled slightly. She opened her mouth. There was a ding on the counter. The stool closest to the door had an occupant. Angel held up her hand. "Don't...go anywhere." I nodded. While she tended to the 'customer', I looked over my shoulder at Prowl. _Couldn't stop him, could you?_ He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. They fell on Jazz, who was casually sneaking wtf looks my way as Angelina made another milkshake. I checked on Angelina. Still busy. 'GF,' I mouthed. I dusted dirt off my shoulder to symbolize closing a deal and him bugging off. _Jazz, I love you, but I have to do this..._without _interruptions._

Jazz didn't have time to react. Angelina handed him the drink with a 'have a good day' and walked back to me with a smile. I could've sworn Jazz mumbled 'rude.' I smiled, resisting the urge to laugh. _You, silver jerk, are not helping._ "Well, if it isn't little Lilly. How long has it been?"

I snorted. "Long enough for me to outgrow'little.'"

"Sorry. Old habit." She placed her elbows on the counter. "Well, how have you been?"

"Fine. Yourself?"

"I'm working in an icecream bar. What do you think?"

_I think I need a new brain._ "Not so great, then?"

"Eh, its not bad. Pays the bills and all that rubbish. So...which one is yours?"

I looked at the trio that were 'trying' and 'failing' to look busy. _It probably wouldn't go so well if I said 'all of them', would it? 'Hey, Angel, look at me! I went from being non-sexual to being __**polysexual**__!' 'You go, girl!' Yeah, I don't think so. _"Brown hair." Even though his face was half-turned, I saw Prowl raise an eyebrow.

_:Oh yes son, I'm talking to you.:_

I winked. _God, I love the music god. That has to be a thing by now- _

"Really? I'd love to meet him."

_Introduce my ex-human-girlfriend to my current-alien-boyfriend...Swell._ "Alright. I have to warn you, though...He's a little strict." Again, the eyebrow._ Oh, shut it, Prowl. I'm trying to save you the trip! _

"I wouldn't expect any less." She waved me off. "Go. I'll wait."

_Sure you will._ I got up. _Low long did you wait for me then?_ That thought, and the bar stepping stool**, **had me tripping. Prowl and Jazz caught me by my arms.

"Are you alright?"

"What is _up_ with you today?"

I stood up. "Yes and later." I dusted myself off. _God. I haven't tripped since...her. Good God. _"But right now, you and Miles have to leave." Jazz opened his mouth. I held up a finger in warning. I was not having any shit going down right now. "_Later_, Jude. I mean it." I turned to Prowl. "You." I linked our arms together. "Come with me."

"Why does mister brown hair get a ride?" Jazz mumbled.

_Because I need a calm officer right now, not a possessive guy that knows how to send a bomb to the ex without anyone knowing if it goes south._ I gave him the bird behind my back. _No shit, Jazz._ "Angelina, this is Jared. Jared-"

"Pleasure, miss." Prowl kissed her hand. I smiled. _Primus, I'm not sure how you created this guy, but I love you for it. _

"Oh, well-" I couldn't help it; my smile widened slightly. _Weren't expecting a non-jealous boyfriend, were you?_ "Same. How long have you been going study?"

_Going study. I haven't heard that since...Enough with the flashbacks!_ "I believe it was our first dance in 2007." I blushed. _You just had to bring that up, didn't you? And what do you mean 'first dance'? The technicality didn't start until three years ago!_

_He's creating distance_, SC said. _Longer relationship equals stability._

_Still not technically..._

_You're the only person that would be bothered by a technicality._

_Hush._

Angelina's eyebrows raised. "Wow. Eight years, huh?" Angelina looked down. "Wait, where's your ring?"

_Uh...Oh crap. Didn't think of that._ "Well, it's kind of weird-"

"We placed them in a frame in the living area after the ceremony three years ago," Prowl explained coolly with a slight purr. "It serves as a constant reminder of our relationship and how our time together should not be wasted...considering the time it took to get together in the first place."

_Oh please. I did not take that long to court!_ "Yeah, there's that." I smirked at him. "And there's the fact that we didn't want to lose something so expensive." I bumped his shoulder with mine. "Plus, mister practical forgets everything."

"I object-"

"Overruled."

"Why do I always lose?"

"Didn't anyone tell you? Girls always win. Besides, you won this morning."

He purred. "Contradictory."

"Always." I kissed him. "Nowshoo. Go make sure your cousin isn't running around like a headless chicken on your motorcycle."

"Impossible. He doesn't have the keys to-" Prowl patted his pockets. His eyes narrowed when he couldn't find them. "Excuse me. I believe I've been robbed."

Angelina waved him off. "No problem. Go catch the culprit while the girls talk. Nice meeting you."

Prowl nodded, but quickly turned to the door. The door didn't close before he yelled, "okay, who's the wise guy?" I covered my mouth and snorted at the insanity that ensued. Jazz and Miles looked at each other before running around like headless chickens.

I cleared my throat in an attempt to stop laughing. Thinking about my ex-girlfriend was an instant mood killer. "Sorry about that."

Angelina nodded. "Like I said, no problem." She stared at me with a sober expression. I ignored the idiots outside and placed my elbows on the counter. "Lillian-" _Here it comes. _"I'm assuming that since you have a husband that you got-" _Hit me with it. _"You know, _that thing _fixed."

My smile was devoid of amusement. "Yes."

She nodded. "Good." I blinked. "Is it too personal to ask the cause?"

I blinked again. "Late development."

"Oh." _Yeah. Oh. _"You know, I really did care."

"I know."

"You were just so damn stubborn. You wouldn't see a doctor-Not even when I told you I would hold your hand during the whole process."

"It wasn't enough."_ It never would've been enough. _"It wouldn't have worked, anyhow."

"Well, I know that now."

"Really?" My voice dropped a level. "When did you figure that out?"

She blinked at my tone. "Right after you left."

I stared at her. _Of course. It makes perfect sense. _"I see...Well, since we're standing here, and likely won't see each other again, is there anything you want to get off your chest?"

She thought about it. "You know, there's always been one thing that I've been wanting to say to you since we broke up."

_This__ought__to be interesting._ "What would that be?"

Angelina took the freebiemilkshake she got for herself and poured it over my head. "Got milk?" I let the liquid soak my hair and shirt. I had my moment of revenge with Prowl. This was hers.

I smiled when she finished. "I don't know, Angelina. Do you?"

Angel smiled. "Oh, we always have milk here, _Mrs._Wescott. I suggest you shake your-" Her eyes trailed over my body. "Chicken legs and breasts out. We don't serve meat here."

"I see. Well, thank you for informing me." I dropped the money in front of her. It happened to land on the wet counter. "A tip for your troubles. Have a lovely day."

"Same here." I pivoted on my heel. "Slut." I smirked and walked out.

The sound of the bell banging against the door was still ringing in my head as I got on 'Jared's bike.' They were all standing around the bike, staring at me as I took off my wet shirt and wrapped it around my head. "Ride now, talk later. Jared-"

Prowl put his holoform's arms around me. "Stay under a hundred."

The engine made my already bumpy skin tingle with electricity. "Yes, sir."

~0~

We all sat in a patch of dirt, waiting for someone to start talking.

Miles crossed his arms. "Okay, I give. What was that?"

I laughed. "A greeting fit for a homecoming. Couldn't you tell?"

"Lil, this ain't a fraggin' joke. What the pit was that about?"

I dropped the humor immediately. Jazz never swore_ at me _unless I seriously messed up. "A high school reunion. Angela was my ex-and-only-girlfriend."

Silence...Then-

"What the pit did ya'll do to each other? You both looked like you wanted to go at it."

"Sounded it, too. Even I could hear you from the table."

"Simple. I told her I'm asexual. She got me viagra. I walked out on her. The end. Can we move on now?"

"Lil, ya jus' let someone pour a drink over yer head," Jazz said dryly. "If any of us tried that, you'd chase us around with a wrench."

"Precisely. She isn't any of you." I winced internally at the looks that earned me. I sighed and sat on the ground with my legs crossed so Prowl could transform. "Look, I had my revenge by introducing Prowl. The milkshake was her way of getting even. We had to settle it somehow and I wasn't about to do it with a fist fight."

"Did you know anything 'bout this?" Jazz asked Prowl. "Ya haven't said a damn thing."

"Yes. She informed me about her past during her fallout with Blaster."

"Three years. Ya kept something_ this _important from us fo' three years-"

"Go easy on him, Jazz. You know I don't like to talk about certain things." I looked off to the side. "Besides, I never thought I would actually see her again-"

"Well, thats voidnow, ain't it?" Jazz grumbled. "Lil, it ain't 'bout her. Its the fact that ya didn't trust us with it."

"Jazz, if I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be here."

"Still sounds like ya don'-"

"Jazz, it wasn't easy to trust _anyone_. It's easier to lie and say I prefer to be single than to tell people out front. Guys tried to rape me. Girls tried to beat some sense into me. People like me are viewed as scientific experiments while gays are viewed as followers of Satan. I had to listen to that. Your going to hell. No exceptions. If your not going to listen to reason, then you may as well go there now." I let out a puff of air. "I know its not easy now, but back then, there really was only one way of doing things. There was only one option. Hell, girls that wore the wrong _outfit_ got called scrubs." I snorted. "Anyway, even if its true that I had some unresolved tentions with Angelina, its done now." I looked up at him. "And the only reason I didn't tell you was because I was embarressed. I had to climb to get where I was when we met, and I wasn't about to go screwing with fate by telling you.

What do you think would have happened if I told Angelina that I still hadn't gotten 'that thing' fixed? She would've looked at me in concern and asked how Prowl was fairing. She's not the type of person to accept someone like me-"

"Stop." I blinked twice at Miles. "Stop saying 'someone like me.'"

"Well, its true. How many asexuals do you know?"

"How many bisexuals do you know that aren't labeled as sluts?" Miles countered. "Your not the only one that had a shitty childhood. My mother had me when she was thirteen. It wasn't easy for her, so I helped around the house when I could. My father was a complete douche-"

"I know." I smiled when he blinked. "I knew your father in high school."

Miles looked at Prowl and Jazz. "You guys got some serious explainin' ta do."

"What-?"

"-us?"

"Yeah, you. Dumb and dumber. Didn't you think that I may like to know that I'm getting to a relationship with my father's ex-?"

I laughed. "Oh God. Primus, no. No. _No_. Miles, no-"

"'Miles no', what?"

"I knew your father because he was on the convert-Lil-to-straight committee."

Miles blinked...and blinked again. "You knew that coming in, obviously?"

"Yes."

"Then why in the seven hells would you want to be in a relationship that includes me?"

"Simple. You aren't your father."

He stared at me before facepalming. "I'm in the twilight zone."

I laughed again. "You just figured that out now? Not when I was high on sun?"

"Being high on sun is common...and I think..." Another facepalm. "Great. Now I've got it. Thanks, Lil."

"Welcome." He glared at me. "What? How was I supposed to know it was contagious?"

Miles suddenly got a huge grin on his face. "Oh, Prowl~" he sang. "Still got that wrench?"

My jaw dropped when Prowl willingly dropped the wrench into his palm. "What-wait-I-how-?No fair! How come he gets the weapon of mass destruction and I don't?"

"I believe he will use it wisely-"

"Like I don't? I'm still recovering!"

"And I'm in the middle of it, so suck it up and come here!"

"B-But...but I'm too young to die!"

"Speak for yourself, old lady!"

"Old...lady...Oh fuck no. Screw the wrench. That merits punishment."

Miles threw the wrench. I caught it. "Ha! Victory! Come here, delinquent!"

Prowl picked me up before I could throw it. I stuck out my tongue at him. "Meany. There's no rule against throwing wrenches."

"Consult the Ark's advisor-"

"We aren't on the Ark." I smirked. "The only rule in the human world that applies is no running with scissors. My wrench ain't scissors, so no wrench for you." He poked me. "Ack! Okay, fine!" I slapped the wrench into his open palm. "Happy?"

"Very," he purred into my neck.

I smiled, batting him away. "Yeah, yeah." He set me down. "So...where were we going before heatstroke happened? I wasn't paying attention."

They all facepalmed.


End file.
